Item #: SCP-1337-J

Object Class: OMEGA SUPER SHITHEAD KETER

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1337-J is to be kept in a Gorilla Munch-lined containment chamber located in Irontaco's Ass, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 99999 Prostitute armed with Diamond House.

In the event that SCP-1337-J ever begins raping its penis, DR. DICKHOLE is to lick SCP-1337-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Famicom-7 (''Porn'') is to be dispatched to SCP-1337-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-1337-J is a Gay Jim Carrey. Like most members of its species, it is able to sucking dick, and regularly eats twice its own weight in Gorilla Munch each day.

SCP-1337-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with Forums, which causes it to turn into Thisisme. Whenever this happens, all Keyboards within a 8008 kilometer radius will begin to suck uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Michael Jackson. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-1337-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-1337-J was first located in My ass where the Licks were using it in order to SUCK A DICK. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Famicom-7 (''Porn'') was able to recover the object with only 1 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 1337-1

Dr. Hitler: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Hitler, and I am about to test SCP-1337's reaction to Bumhole. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Omniary?

Dr. Omniary: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Hitler: Excellent! I am now introducing the Bumhole to 1337... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Omniary: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Hitler: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN Ass! IT'S GOT MEIN Ass! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG
In light of incident 1337-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█

Item #: SCP-3-J

Object Class: KETUUUUR

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3-J is to be kept in a YOUR MAMA-lined containment chamber located in SCP-682, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 2 Profession armed with Guitars.

In the event that SCP-3-J ever begins flying its leg, Klaus is to cook SCP-3-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force µ-7 (''Klaus and Gunter's Adventure'') is to be dispatched to SCP-3-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-3-J is a famous Monkey. Like most members of its species, it is able to flying Fish, and regularly eats twice its own weight in YOUR MAMA each day.

SCP-3-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with Nun, which causes it to turn into Bacon. Whenever this happens, all Priests within a 2 kilometer radius will begin to spit uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to BULLAT IN YA A$$ GANGSTA!!!. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-3-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-3-J was first located in Ya Mama's Ass where the The Gunters were using it in order to Flying through the whole UNIVERS. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force µ-7 (''Klaus and Gunter's Adventure'') was able to recover the object with only 420-J civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 3-1

Dr. Hitler: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Hitler, and I am about to test SCP-3's reaction to Headshot. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Hanz?

Dr. Hanz: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Hitler: Excellent! I am now introducing the Headshot to 3... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Hanz: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Hitler: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN Ass! IT'S GOT MEIN Ass! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 3-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█

Item #: SCP-99999-J

Object Class: 日本語

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-99999-J is to be kept in a サラダ-lined containment chamber located in 病院, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 5 男 armed with 人参.

In the event that SCP-99999-J ever begins フライング its 尻, 医者 is to 調理する SCP-99999-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force 1337-7 (''らき☆すた'') is to be dispatched to SCP-99999-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-99999-J is a 美しい 犬. Like most members of its species, it is able to フライングプリースト, and regularly eats twice its own weight in サラダ each day.

SCP-99999-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with 車, which causes it to turn into ハウス. Whenever this happens, all 水泳 within a 8 kilometer radius will begin to フロート uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to 初音ミク. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-99999-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-99999-J was first located in 東京 where the 日本人 were using it in order to 死にかけている. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force 1337-7 (''らき☆すた'') was able to recover the object with only 385738573757453 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 99999-1

Dr. Schmitz: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Schmitz, and I am about to test SCP-99999's reaction to エスカレーター. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr 由香?

Dr. 由香: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Schmitz: Excellent! I am now introducing the エスカレーター to 99999... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. 由香: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Schmitz: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN アーム! IT'S GOT MEIN アーム! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 99999-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█

CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█

Item #: SCP-2309342u84gtr@$pudding-J

Object Class: starfish

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2309342u84gtr@$pudding-J is to be kept in a yogurt-lined containment chamber located in My house, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 455434535453456589759687659876987869280 gambler armed with faec.

In the event that SCP-2309342u84gtr@$pudding-J ever begins fucking its anus, Bill Nye is to fly SCP-2309342u84gtr@$pudding-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force ewi-7 (''Something'') is to be dispatched to SCP-2309342u84gtr@$pudding-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-2309342u84gtr@$pudding-J is a hideous taco. Like most members of its species, it is able to pry monster, and regularly eats twice its own weight in yogurt each day.

SCP-2309342u84gtr@$pudding-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with brains, which causes it to turn into rocket. Whenever this happens, all REDACTED within a 324edw kilometer radius will begin to fly again uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Deinsel Crocker. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-2309342u84gtr@$pudding-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-2309342u84gtr@$pudding-J was first located in fvvkdhgbvdlfkj land where the Koopa Futball Players were using it in order to asplode the north 'murica. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force ewi-7 (''Something'') was able to recover the object with only 3720948qqy040y849 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 2309342u84gtr@$pudding-1

Dr. Scroffin: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Scroffin, and I am about to test SCP-2309342u84gtr@$pudding's reaction to Monkey. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Yeeter?
Dr. Yeeter: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Scroffin: Excellent! I am now introducing the Monkey to 2309342u84gtr@$pudding... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Yeeter: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Scroffin: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN pancreas! IT'S GOT MEIN pancreas! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 2309342u84gtr@$pudding-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█

CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█
Item #: SCP-007-J
Object Class: Ridiculous
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-007-J is to be kept in a roasted maggots-lined containment chamber located in Foundation's toilet at Site-17, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 13 cabdrivers armed with sweets.
In the event that SCP-007-J ever begins licking its arm, Jeans-On is to eat SCP-007-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Gamma-7 (''The Losers'') is to be dispatched to SCP-007-J's last known location.
Description: SCP-007-J is a happy giant frog. Like most members of its species, it is able to build a tank, and regularly eats twice its own weight in roasted maggots each day.
SCP-007-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with real orgasms, which causes it to turn into hundreds of flying human noses. Whenever this happens, all windows within a 14 kilometer radius will begin to be cleaned uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.
In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to everyone. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-007-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.
Recovery Log: SCP-007-J was first located in an old school bus where some Idiots were using it in order to kill themselves. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Gamma-7 (''The Losers'') was able to recover the object with only 500,000 civilian casualties.
Addendum: Test Log 007-1
Dr. Notamerican: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Notamerican, and I am about to test SCP-007's reaction to books. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Lastname?
Dr. Lastname: Yes sir, ready to begin test.
Dr. Notamerican: Excellent! I am now introducing the books to 007... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.
Dr. Lastname: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.
Notamerican: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN BRAIN! IT'S GOT MEIN BRAIN! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!
END LOG
In light of incident 007-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█ 

This is an example of the spoiler option.

CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█

Item #: SCP-441-J

Object Class: Double Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-441-J is to be kept in a Aggressive Pizza-lined containment chamber located in Site 37, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 9 Faggots armed with Potatoes.

In the event that SCP-441-J ever begins Masturbating its Dick, Dr. Bright is to Touch SCP-441-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Omega-7 (''Dat friggin Task forz'') is to be dispatched to SCP-441-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-441-J is a Fukin Virgin. Like most members of its species, it is able to Sit on ur mom, and regularly eats twice its own weight in Aggressive Pizza each day.

SCP-441-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with Bicycles, which causes it to turn into Dildo. Whenever this happens, all Nazis within a 23 kilometer radius will begin to Sit uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Justin Bieber. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-441-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-441-J was first located in New Jerk where the [DATA EXPUNGED] were using it in order to fuk ur mom. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Omega-7 (''Dat friggin Task forz'') was able to recover the object with only ∞ civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 441-1

Dr. Strelnikov: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Strelnikov, and I am about to test SCP-441's reaction to Spoon. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Crow?
Dr. Crow: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Strelnikov: Excellent! I am now introducing the Spoon to 441... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Crow: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Strelnikov: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN SOUL! IT'S GOT MEIN SOUL! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 441-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█