CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█

Item #: SCP-POO-J

Object Class: I EAT PILE OF DIRTY TASTY CRAP

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-POO-J is to be kept in a HAMBURGER-lined containment chamber located in AREA FREKIN' 51, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 0 JOE FROM BLUES CLUES armed with MUNNY.

In the event that SCP-POO-J ever begins POOPING its FACE, NO ONE is to KILL SCP-POO-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force 9999-7 (''BLUE'S CLUES'') is to be dispatched to SCP-POO-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-POO-J is a CRAPPY DRAGON. Like most members of its species, it is able to POOP AND CRAP, and regularly eats twice its own weight in HAMBURGER each day.

SCP-POO-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with LOLS, which causes it to turn into TWO TOILETS. Whenever this happens, all FRIENDSHIPISSTOOPIDMAGIC within a PEEPEE kilometer radius will begin to SMILE uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to ALDOLF HITLAR. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-POO-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-POO-J was first located in LALA LAND where the CHARGE were using it in order to SHUT THE FREKIN' PONY CRAP UP. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force 9999-7 (''BLUE'S CLUES'') was able to recover the object with only 78236y47836478236743267461273846827467236473261784638217468723618762137463876247832674673826476176347826321784678213647623746278316472364782364732672164872 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log POO-1

Dr. HITLAR: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr HITLAR, and I am about to test SCP-POO's reaction to IPHONE 9000. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr CRAP?
Dr. CRAP: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. HITLAR: Excellent! I am now introducing the IPHONE 9000 to POO... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. CRAP: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

HITLAR: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN SMIELYFACE:D! IT'S GOT MEIN SMIELYFACE:D! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident POO-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█

CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█

Item #: SCP-2-J

Object Class: Cool yet.

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2-J is to be kept in a Greek Yougurt-lined containment chamber located in Hell, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 1 dust collecter armed with Toilet.

In the event that SCP-2-J ever begins pissing its pancreas, Dr. Are We Coolyet is to Try SCP-2-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force (Greek) Yougurt-7 (''Doctor Who'') is to be dispatched to SCP-2-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-2-J is a Evil Generic Monster. Like most members of its species, it is able to Go piss, and regularly eats twice its own weight in Greek Yougurt each day.

SCP-2-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with drugs. Lots of drugs., which causes it to turn into Log Beach. Whenever this happens, all Howard soilders within a 333333333333333333333333333333333 kilometer radius will begin to Try again. uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Me cuz i'm awesum. (Lolanotherselfinstert). Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-2-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-2-J was first located in Middle of nowhere where the Marshall, Carter, and Dark were using it in order to Be cool yet. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force (Greek) Yougurt-7 (''Doctor Who'') was able to recover the object with only OVER 9000!!!!! civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 2-1

Dr. Scroffinscroffin: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Scroffinscroffin, and I am about to test SCP-2's reaction to Howard. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Being (Selfinsertlol)?
Dr. Being (Selfinsertlol): Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Scroffinscroffin: Excellent! I am now introducing the Howard to 2... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Being (Selfinsertlol): Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Scroffinscroffin: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN Nasal Cavity! IT'S GOT MEIN Nasal Cavity! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 2-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█

Item #: SCP-Fournee-J

Object Class: asedrfyhksdcdce32e3rewrwrewrewrwrwrw

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-Fournee-J is to be kept in a dark matter-lined containment chamber located in a toilet, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than de4r5 faec armed with vomit.

In the event that SCP-Fournee-J ever begins Phbbbbbbbbbbbt its [REDACTED], asdfghjk3eeew is to swvcgwrggbadajeaddswdwewfertreg SCP-Fournee-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force The Cake-7 (''Is A Lie'') is to be dispatched to SCP-Fournee-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-Fournee-J is a blue WeCanNoASecret symbol. It makes everything gibberishaaaddccudhfduidhidvfdvfdvfd. Like most members of its species, it is able to Vervcqeen, and regularly eats twice its own weight in dark matter each day.

SCP-Fournee-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with ssssdsfsdfdffgfstdscp, which causes it to turn into monkey. Whenever this happens, all dbbbburgerund within a AIDSteynine kilometer radius will begin to fdsr uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to YOUR MOTHER! DUNDUNDUN!!!!. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-Fournee-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-Fournee-J was first located in aswsdeg where the WeCanNoASecret were using it in order to tfyvgbhjnmk,. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force The Cake-7 (''Is A Lie'') was able to recover the object with only -20 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log Fournee-1

Dr. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX, and I am about to test SCP-Fournee's reaction to Ferkel. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Herbinbglomner?
Dr. Herbinbglomner: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX: Excellent! I am now introducing the Ferkel to Fournee... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Herbinbglomner: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvnm! IT'S GOT MEIN qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvnm! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█

Item #: SCP-OP-J

Object Class: Thaumiel

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-OP-J is to be kept in a dicks-lined containment chamber located in Site-354, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 4 prostitutes armed with potatoes.

In the event that SCP-OP-J ever begins sucking its penis, Aelanna is to format SCP-OP-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Gamma-7 (''Hogan's Heroes'') is to be dispatched to SCP-OP-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-OP-J is a cancerous faggot. Like most members of its species, it is able to smukin weed, and regularly eats twice its own weight in dicks each day.

SCP-OP-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with PCs, which causes it to turn into a faggot. Whenever this happens, all the Global Occult Coalition agents within a 42 kilometer radius will begin to sitting uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Justin Bieber. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-OP-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-OP-J was first located in Saar-Bücken where the [DATA EXPUNGED] were using it in order to EAT YOU BECAUS I AM THE BESTEST LIZERD EVER. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Gamma-7 (''Hogan's Heroes'') was able to recover the object with only ██████ civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log OP-1

Dr. Klischee: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Klischee, and I am about to test SCP-OP's reaction to Nintendo 2ds. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Storm?
Dr. Storm: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Klischee: Excellent! I am now introducing the Nintendo 2ds to OP... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Storm: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Klischee: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN SOUL! IT'S GOT MEIN SOUL! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident OP-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█

Item #: SCP-1-J

Object Class: lel

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1-J is to be kept in a gorilla munch-lined containment chamber located in Uranus, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 9000 hobo armed with light sabers.

In the event that SCP-1-J ever begins making out with its face, someone is to piledrive SCP-1-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force beta-7 (''SCP'') is to be dispatched to SCP-1-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-1-J is a Rainbow tapeworm. Like most members of its species, it is able to puke rainbows, and regularly eats twice its own weight in gorilla munch each day.

SCP-1-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with bacon, which causes it to turn into feces. Whenever this happens, all [REDACTED] within a 1234567890 kilometer radius will begin to gyrate uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Gabe Newell. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-1-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-1-J was first located in equestria where the idk were using it in order to make out. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force beta-7 (''SCP'') was able to recover the object with only 9000 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 1-1

Dr. hitler: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr hitler, and I am about to test SCP-1's reaction to Internet. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Diarhhea?
Dr. Diarhhea: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. hitler: Excellent! I am now introducing the Internet to 1... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Diarhhea: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

hitler: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN pituitary gland! IT'S GOT MEIN pituitary gland! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 1-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█

Item #: SCP-99999-J

Object Class: 日本語

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-99999-J is to be kept in a サラダ-lined containment chamber located in 病院, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 5 男 armed with 人参.

In the event that SCP-99999-J ever begins フライング its 尻, 医者 is to 調理する SCP-99999-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force 1337-7 (''らき☆すた'') is to be dispatched to SCP-99999-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-99999-J is a 美しい 犬. Like most members of its species, it is able to フライングプリースト, and regularly eats twice its own weight in サラダ each day.

SCP-99999-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with 車, which causes it to turn into ハウス. Whenever this happens, all 水泳 within a 8 kilometer radius will begin to フロート uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to 初音ミク. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-99999-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-99999-J was first located in 東京 where the 日本人 were using it in order to 死にかけている. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force 1337-7 (''らき☆すた'') was able to recover the object with only 385738573757453 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 99999-1

Dr. Schmitz: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Schmitz, and I am about to test SCP-99999's reaction to エスカレーター. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr 由香?

Dr. 由香: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Schmitz: Excellent! I am now introducing the エスカレーター to 99999... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. 由香: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Schmitz: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN アーム! IT'S GOT MEIN アーム! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 99999-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█