Need my SCP Draft to be crtiqued.

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Kenneth crooker
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Need my SCP Draft to be crtiqued.

Postby Kenneth crooker » Thu Jun 11, 2015 6:15 pm

I need some of you guys to critique this for me please. :(
http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/crookera
Why here, you ask? Because the guys at the real foundation websites WERE TOO DISTRACTED TO BE PRODUCTIVE AND HELP ME.
Seriously, I needs some help here!
Last edited by Kenneth crooker on Thu Jun 11, 2015 8:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I bought a gay pony named North America! He walked on two legs and played the harmonica!
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Bennings
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Re: Need my SCP Draft to be crtiqued.

Postby Bennings » Thu Jun 11, 2015 7:41 pm

" Because the guys at the real foundation websites WERE TOO MUCH OF TIGHTASSES TO BE PRODUCTIVE AND HELP ME."
You do realize they can read this, right?

"SCP-XXXX is to be contained in Site ███ in a secure, cylindrical cell that is 10 meters in diameter, and 5 meters in height, with walls made of steel, and a floor made of linoleum. There are to be observation ports to be placed on the upper walls of the cell, and four (4) security cameras are to be placed on the ceiling of the cell."
Why? Feels bizarrely specific.

" 3-inch long tapering nose"
Should be in metric.

"It's fingers"
It is fingers?

" This looks unusual,"
Really? The alien with a three inch nose and massive arms looks unusual? Shocking.

"standard medeival British clothing underneath. The cloak is studded with several rubys at the collar."
First off, *rubies. Secondly, he was wearing a cloak adjourned with rubies and yet he's wearing bog-standard Medieval clothing?

"SCP-XXXX is incredibly intelligent, possessing an IQ level of 128."
Which is intelligent, but not incredibly intelligent.

"It also expresses general non-aggression"
"SCP-XXXX is somewhat prone to getting into a rage state."
These two points totally contradict each other.

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Kenneth crooker
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Re: Need my SCP Draft to be crtiqued.

Postby Kenneth crooker » Thu Jun 11, 2015 8:25 pm

Bennings wrote:" Because the guys at the real foundation websites WERE TOO MUCH OF TIGHTASSES TO BE PRODUCTIVE AND HELP ME."
You do realize they can read this, right?

"SCP-XXXX is to be contained in Site ███ in a secure, cylindrical cell that is 10 meters in diameter, and 5 meters in height, with walls made of steel, and a floor made of linoleum. There are to be observation ports to be placed on the upper walls of the cell, and four (4) security cameras are to be placed on the ceiling of the cell."
Why? Feels bizarrely specific.

" 3-inch long tapering nose"
Should be in metric.

"It's fingers"
It is fingers?

" This looks unusual,"
Really? The alien with a three inch nose and massive arms looks unusual? Shocking.

"standard medeival British clothing underneath. The cloak is studded with several rubys at the collar."
First off, *rubies. Secondly, he was wearing a cloak adjourned with rubies and yet he's wearing bog-standard Medieval clothing?

"SCP-XXXX is incredibly intelligent, possessing an IQ level of 128."
Which is intelligent, but not incredibly intelligent.

"It also expresses general non-aggression"
"SCP-XXXX is somewhat prone to getting into a rage state."
These two points totally contradict each other.


I will fix those problems. But next time, don't be so harsh with the criticism. Damn
Also, I only called them tightasses because they never gave enough of a shit to critique my draft, and that pissed me off a LOT. Why don't you try being part of the foundation and be ignored when trying to get a critque? You will find that it isn't pleasant AT ALL. Also, I have witnessed how overtly perfectionist and elitist that the foundation can be. I've seen very good ideas for SCPs getting BASHED just because they weren't "perfect enough". Try walking in my shoes before you criticise how I see the foundation.
Also, HE IS NOT AN ALIEN.
Here's your ding dong damn fixed article
http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/crookera
I bought a gay pony named North America! He walked on two legs and played the harmonica!
Check out my SCP - Comix mod: viewtopic.php?f=11&t=3557

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Decibelle
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Re: Need my SCP Draft to be crtiqued.

Postby Decibelle » Thu Jun 11, 2015 8:52 pm

It's very likely that chat was especially busy and couldn't catch you when asking for reviews. I'd encourage going on our chat our posting on our draft forums if you're really wanting to get this up on the site; people will be able to help you and give you feedback. :)

Note, I'm not speaking in an SCP Foundation staff capacity here, just giving you advice on what to do.
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CommanderMark
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Re: Need my SCP Draft to be crtiqued.

Postby CommanderMark » Thu Jun 11, 2015 9:12 pm

Kenneth crooker wrote:I will fix those problems. But next time, don't be so harsh with the criticism.

If you call that harsh criticism you're not gonna last there for more then a week. What do you want him to do? Sugar coat his response out the ass and say it's the greatest piece of work he's ever seen? It says right on their guidelines that the criticism you should expect is gonna be blunt, so don't complain.

Kenneth crooker wrote:Also, I only called them tightasses because they never gave enough of a shit to critique my draft, and that pissed me off a LOT. Why don't you try being part of the foundation and be ignored when trying to get a critque? You will find that it isn't pleasant AT ALL.

These people don't dedicate their lives to scanning their forums 24/7. It's entirely possible that they could've missed your response. Also this, and anything further in your rant have absolutely nothing to do with this thread. Sounds like you're just using this as an excuse to complain about the foundation site because they didn't like your SCP or something.

Kenneth crooker wrote:Also, I have witnessed how overtly perfectionist and elitist that the foundation can be.

Alright, so they only want the best of the best, what's wrong with that?

Kenneth crooker wrote:I've seen very good ideas for SCPs getting BASHED just because they weren't "perfect enough".

Translation: "NU THEYR OPINION IS WRONG THEY WERE GOOD SCPS"

bluesoul
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Re: Need my SCP Draft to be crtiqued.

Postby bluesoul » Thu Jun 11, 2015 9:15 pm

Why don't you try being part of the foundation and be ignored when trying to get a critque? You will find that it isn't pleasant AT ALL.


You mean, this one from three hours ago? I don't even see where you joined the chat to get feedback on it. You got valid criticism here (from an accomplished SCP author no less) and you got mad at the guy.

Be patient, please. Many of the staff that offer criticism work day jobs and are active in the evening. But getting impatient with them and then asking for their help usually won't go well.

The idea isn't bad, and the tone is getting there, but please dump this whole thing into a word processor and spell-check it. There's a lot. Here's a thing:

All surfaces (with the exception of organic surfaces) affected by SCP-XXXX-2 start to slowly grow various structures consisting of various gemstones and minerals.


The subject then proceeded to create a crystalline sword out of the ground,


Pick one. Slow is more interesting, to me.

This knife seems to be extremely sharp, as it is shown to be capable of cutting through diamond.


I'd get rid of this thing. It doesn't add anything to the piece and you're throwing in something that is wildly improbable. Don't throw in spooky science for the sake of it.

The forum criticism guys will probably get to your thread in a few hours. In the meantime, think about what's keeping, and what really contributes to the story.
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Kenneth crooker
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Re: Need my SCP Draft to be crtiqued.

Postby Kenneth crooker » Thu Jun 11, 2015 9:37 pm

Decibelle wrote:It's very likely that chat was especially busy and couldn't catch you when asking for reviews. I'd encourage going on our chat our posting on our draft forums if you're really wanting to get this up on the site; people will be able to help you and give you feedback. :)

Note, I'm not speaking in an SCP Foundation staff capacity here, just giving you advice on what to do.

Alrighty then.
I bought a gay pony named North America! He walked on two legs and played the harmonica!
Check out my SCP - Comix mod: viewtopic.php?f=11&t=3557

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Kenneth crooker
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Re: Need my SCP Draft to be crtiqued.

Postby Kenneth crooker » Thu Jun 11, 2015 9:41 pm

bluesoul wrote:
Why don't you try being part of the foundation and be ignored when trying to get a critque? You will find that it isn't pleasant AT ALL.


You mean, this one from three hours ago? I don't even see where you joined the chat to get feedback on it. You got valid criticism here (from an accomplished SCP author no less) and you got mad at the guy.

Be patient, please. Many of the staff that offer criticism work day jobs and are active in the evening. But getting impatient with them and then asking for their help usually won't go well.

The idea isn't bad, and the tone is getting there, but please dump this whole thing into a word processor and spell-check it. There's a lot. Here's a thing:

All surfaces (with the exception of organic surfaces) affected by SCP-XXXX-2 start to slowly grow various structures consisting of various gemstones and minerals.


The subject then proceeded to create a crystalline sword out of the ground,


Pick one. Slow is more interesting, to me.

This knife seems to be extremely sharp, as it is shown to be capable of cutting through diamond.


I'd get rid of this thing. It doesn't add anything to the piece and you're throwing in something that is wildly improbable. Don't throw in spooky science for the sake of it.

The forum criticism guys will probably get to your thread in a few hours. In the meantime, think about what's keeping, and what really contributes to the story.


I made an edit, now the sword was already in a scabbard prior to SCP-XXXX's awakening. He now draws the sword from a scabbard rather than creating it.
I bought a gay pony named North America! He walked on two legs and played the harmonica!
Check out my SCP - Comix mod: viewtopic.php?f=11&t=3557

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Awesomeguy147
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Re: Need my SCP Draft to be crtiqued.

Postby Awesomeguy147 » Thu Jun 11, 2015 10:22 pm

While I kind of liked this, this isn't really something that would make it on the actual foundation site as it is now.

For one, it's a humanoid scp that suffers from what the SCP site calls "X-man syndrome". He's basically a relatively normal guy (disregarding the age and physical features) with weird powers. This is not like popular humanoid SCPs like SCP-096 or "Abel" (whose closeness to X-man syndrome is basically considered the maximum for it to be considered not part of "X-man syndrome", thus the term "The Abel Line" (at least I think it's called that)) where they are humanoid, but still can be considered as weird creatures, and are not exactly in enviable positions. However, this does not automatically make the article bad. As the guide in the SCP website says, there is no such thing as a bad idea, just bad execution. However, there really isn't much of anything special about to make it well executed.

Second, Your article mentions that the SCP would sometimes go into fits of rage. I imagine you put this here to make sure that this scp is still something that should be feared, but the problem is, it's not scary. I have absolutely no idea why I should be scared of the angry man whose main ability is to cover his non-organic surroundings in gemstones and minerals. Yes he has a knife, but so does every other half-baked psychopath. There is really nothing about this man that makes him seem like that much of a threat in comparison to the other dangerous creatures the foundation has locked up. (Nevermind, he killed 5 squad members. I can guess he was able to do this due to the changes to his body caused by "magic", however that is conjecture on my part, so a little elaboration on how he was able to kill 5 trained members of a task force would be nice (Because there's no way a normal guy (disregarding crystal powers since that offers nothing in a battle) can take on 5 armed men with only a sword))

One last little nitpick, the SCP apologized for killing the Task Force members, but he said he apologized "in advance". You can't really apologize in advance for something you already did.
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Kenneth crooker
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Re: Need my SCP Draft to be crtiqued.

Postby Kenneth crooker » Fri Jun 12, 2015 12:49 am

Awesomeguy147 wrote:While I kind of liked this, this isn't really something that would make it on the actual foundation site as it is now.

For one, it's a humanoid scp that suffers from what the SCP site calls "X-man syndrome". He's basically a relatively normal guy (disregarding the age and physical features) with weird powers. This is not like popular humanoid SCPs like SCP-096 or "Abel" (whose closeness to X-man syndrome is basically considered the maximum for it to be considered not part of "X-man syndrome", thus the term "The Abel Line" (at least I think it's called that)) where they are humanoid, but still can be considered as weird creatures, and are not exactly in enviable positions. However, this does not automatically make the article bad. As the guide in the SCP website says, there is no such thing as a bad idea, just bad execution. However, there really isn't much of anything special about to make it well executed.

Second, Your article mentions that the SCP would sometimes go into fits of rage. I imagine you put this here to make sure that this scp is still something that should be feared, but the problem is, it's not scary. I have absolutely no idea why I should be scared of the angry man whose main ability is to cover his non-organic surroundings in gemstones and minerals. Yes he has a knife, but so does every other half-baked psychopath. There is really nothing about this man that makes him seem like that much of a threat in comparison to the other dangerous creatures the foundation has locked up. (Nevermind, he killed 5 squad members. I can guess he was able to do this due to the changes to his body caused by "magic", however that is conjecture on my part, so a little elaboration on how he was able to kill 5 trained members of a task force would be nice (Because there's no way a normal guy (disregarding crystal powers since that offers nothing in a battle) can take on 5 armed men with only a sword))

One last little nitpick, the SCP apologized for killing the Task Force members, but he said he apologized "in advance". You can't really apologize in advance for something you already did.


I'll make a few more edits regarding that.
I bought a gay pony named North America! He walked on two legs and played the harmonica!
Check out my SCP - Comix mod: viewtopic.php?f=11&t=3557


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