Re: SCP-[even number]-J Results

#32
SCP-441-J Fukin Virgin
Spoiler
CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█

Item #: SCP-441-J

Object Class: Double Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-441-J is to be kept in a Aggressive Pizza-lined containment chamber located in Site 37, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 9 Faggots armed with Potatoes.

In the event that SCP-441-J ever begins Masturbating its Dick, Dr. Bright is to Touch SCP-441-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Omega-7 (''Dat friggin Task forz'') is to be dispatched to SCP-441-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-441-J is a Fukin Virgin. Like most members of its species, it is able to Sit on ur mom, and regularly eats twice its own weight in Aggressive Pizza each day.

SCP-441-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with Bicycles, which causes it to turn into Dildo. Whenever this happens, all Nazis within a 23 kilometer radius will begin to Sit uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Justin Bieber. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-441-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-441-J was first located in New Jerk where the [DATA EXPUNGED] were using it in order to fuk ur mom. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Omega-7 (''Dat friggin Task forz'') was able to recover the object with only ∞ civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 441-1

Dr. Strelnikov: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Strelnikov, and I am about to test SCP-441's reaction to Spoon. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Crow?
Dr. Crow: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Strelnikov: Excellent! I am now introducing the Spoon to 441... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Crow: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Strelnikov: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN SOUL! IT'S GOT MEIN SOUL! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 441-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█
MrGuilkeyFace wrote:
Spoiler
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3-J is to be kept in a Semen-lined containment chamber located in My Asshole.
i see what you did there

Re: SCP-[even number]-J Results

#33
Maikcollos wrote:SCP-441-J Fukin Virgin
Spoiler
CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█

Item #: SCP-441-J

Object Class: Double Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-441-J is to be kept in a Aggressive Pizza-lined containment chamber located in Site 37, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 9 Faggots armed with Potatoes.

In the event that SCP-441-J ever begins Masturbating its Dick, Dr. Bright is to Touch SCP-441-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Omega-7 (''Dat friggin Task forz'') is to be dispatched to SCP-441-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-441-J is a Fukin Virgin. Like most members of its species, it is able to Sit on ur mom, and regularly eats twice its own weight in Aggressive Pizza each day.

SCP-441-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with Bicycles, which causes it to turn into Dildo. Whenever this happens, all Nazis within a 23 kilometer radius will begin to Sit uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Justin Bieber. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-441-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-441-J was first located in New Jerk where the [DATA EXPUNGED] were using it in order to fuk ur mom. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Omega-7 (''Dat friggin Task forz'') was able to recover the object with only ∞ civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 441-1

Dr. Strelnikov: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Strelnikov, and I am about to test SCP-441's reaction to Spoon. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Crow?
Dr. Crow: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Strelnikov: Excellent! I am now introducing the Spoon to 441... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Crow: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Strelnikov: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN SOUL! IT'S GOT MEIN SOUL! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 441-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█
MrGuilkeyFace wrote:
Spoiler
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3-J is to be kept in a Semen-lined containment chamber located in My Asshole.
i see what you did there you know roblox?????????????????????

Re: SCP-[even number]-J Results

#34
I have made a masterpiece. A tasty one.
Spoiler
Item #: SCP-bacon-J

Object Class: bacon

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-bacon-J is to be kept in a bacon-lined containment chamber located in bacon, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than bacon bacon armed with bacon.

In the event that SCP-bacon-J ever begins bacon its bacon, bacon is to bacon SCP-bacon-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force bacon-7 (''bacon'') is to be dispatched to SCP-bacon-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-bacon-J is a bacon bacon. Like most members of its species, it is able to bacon, and regularly eats twice its own weight in bacon each day.

SCP-bacon-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with bacon, which causes it to turn into bacon. Whenever this happens, all bacon within a bacon kilometer radius will begin to bacon uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to bacon. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-bacon-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-bacon-J was first located in bacon where the bacon were using it in order to bacon. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force bacon-7 (''bacon'') was able to recover the object with only bacon civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log bacon-1

Dr. bacon: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr bacon, and I am about to test SCP-bacon's reaction to bacon. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr bacon?
Dr. bacon: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. bacon: Excellent! I am now introducing the bacon to bacon... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. bacon: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

bacon: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN bacon! IT'S GOT MEIN bacon! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident bacon-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█
Ok, here is an actual one.
Spoiler
Item #: SCP-1337-J

Object Class: keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1337-J is to be kept in a bacon-lined containment chamber located in Alcatraz, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 1.0000001 janitors armed with Trex.

In the event that SCP-1337-J ever begins caging its leg, Dr. Bright is to hide SCP-1337-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force alpha-7 (''The Simpsons'') is to be dispatched to SCP-1337-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-1337-J is a awesome pig. Like most members of its species, it is able to eat wall, and regularly eats twice its own weight in bacon each day.

SCP-1337-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with box, which causes it to turn into a third box. Whenever this happens, all eyes within a 8008 kilometer radius will begin to give uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Morgan Freeman. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-1337-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-1337-J was first located in bacon town where the me no watch football were using it in order to steal the moon. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force alpha-7 (''The Simpsons'') was able to recover the object with only over 9000 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 1337-1

Dr. germanium: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr germanium, and I am about to test SCP-1337's reaction to butt. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr why?
Dr. why: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. germanium: Excellent! I am now introducing the butt to 1337... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. why: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

germanium: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN arm! IT'S GOT MEIN arm! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 1337-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█
-Resident Bacon Fanatic-

Re: SCP-[even number]-J Results

#35
I made another one.
Spoiler
CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█

Item #: SCP-837654o-J

Object Class: Neutralized (Formerly annoying as hell.)

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-837654o-J is to be kept in a Pizza-lined containment chamber located in A mine shaft, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 5 person armed with nothing.

In the event that SCP-837654o-J ever begins flying its trachea, Dr.Whathizfaec is to annoy people SCP-837654o-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force pi-7 (''Candle Cove'') is to be dispatched to SCP-837654o-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-837654o-J is a idiotic eyeball with tentacles. It has been killed by flying buildings.. Like most members of its species, it is able to annoy forum users, and regularly eats twice its own weight in Pizza each day.

SCP-837654o-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with monkeys, which causes it to turn into Another face.. Whenever this happens, all balls within a 34658 kilometer radius will begin to fuck uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Slenderman. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-837654o-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-837654o-J was first located in w[geuoW482994EW where the Candy Land Candy Men were using it in order to destroy the SCP:CB forum. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force pi-7 (''Candle Cove'') was able to recover the object with only 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 837654o-1

Dr. Something: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Something, and I am about to test SCP-837654o's reaction to Pizza. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM?
Dr. QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Something: Excellent! I am now introducing the Pizza to 837654o... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Something: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN spleen! IT'S GOT MEIN spleen! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 837654o-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█
eric

Re: SCP-[even number]-J Results

#36
Here.
Spoiler
CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█

Item #: SCP-2,000,000,000,001-J

Object Class: Wallace Breen

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2,000,000,000,001-J is to be kept in a Spagetthi-lined containment chamber located in The Citadel, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 2 Civil Protection armed with A Dildo.

In the event that SCP-2,000,000,000,001-J ever begins Pissing its Dick, Dr. Bright is to Running SCP-2,000,000,000,001-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force C-7 (''Wallace Breen's Broadcastings'') is to be dispatched to SCP-2,000,000,000,001-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-2,000,000,000,001-J is a Nothing of existance Headcrab. Like most members of its species, it is able to Stabbing you with Scissors, and regularly eats twice its own weight in Spagetthi each day.

SCP-2,000,000,000,001-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with Houses, which causes it to turn into Eli Vance. Whenever this happens, all No within a 2,000,000,000,001 kilometer radius will begin to Walking uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Gordon Freeman. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-2,000,000,000,001-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-2,000,000,000,001-J was first located in City-17 where the Your Anus were using it in order to Shoot Wallace Breen in the head. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force C-7 (''Wallace Breen's Broadcastings'') was able to recover the object with only 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 2,000,000,000,001-1

Dr. Calhoun: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Calhoun, and I am about to test SCP-2,000,000,000,001's reaction to Dr. Alto Clef. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Vance?
Dr. Vance: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Calhoun: Excellent! I am now introducing the Dr. Alto Clef to 2,000,000,000,001... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Vance: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Calhoun: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN Hand! IT'S GOT MEIN Hand! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 2,000,000,000,001-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█

Re: SCP-[even number]-J Results

#37
Yes it sucks because I didn't go crazy over what I'd type
Spoiler
CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█

Item #: SCP-492849-J

Object Class: Thaumiel

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-492849-J is to be kept in a cereal-lined containment chamber located in parallel universe, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 1.1 linguists armed with candies.

In the event that SCP-492849-J ever begins travelling its tongue, Franklin is to breathing SCP-492849-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Omicron-7 (''Doctor Who'') is to be dispatched to SCP-492849-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-492849-J is a infinitesmial raccoon. Like most members of its species, it is able to dating Jessica, and regularly eats twice its own weight in cereal each day.

SCP-492849-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with tables, which causes it to turn into Android phone. Whenever this happens, all spaghettis within a 222222 kilometer radius will begin to spitting uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Karen Gillan. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-492849-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-492849-J was first located in Beyngabuggzsh where the New York Giants were using it in order to steal all supplies of peanut in the UNIVERSE. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Omicron-7 (''Doctor Who'') was able to recover the object with only 21508598399389104 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 492849-1

Dr. Beich: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Beich, and I am about to test SCP-492849's reaction to susurrus. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Ramirez?

Dr. Ramirez: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Beich: Excellent! I am now introducing the susurrus to 492849... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Ramirez: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Beich: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN toenail! IT'S GOT MEIN toenail! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 492849-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█
SCP: Eric Breach nanomod maker (if anyone wants to revamp it be my guest, as it is now defunct)
Fan of Doctor Who, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency, Sleepy Hollow, Person of Interest, Happy (2017) and Silicon Valley. And also MCU films.

Re: SCP-[even number]-J Results

#38
autotroph wrote: In the event that SCP-492849-J ever begins travelling its tongue, Franklin is to breathing SCP-492849-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Omicron-7 (''Doctor Who'') is to be dispatched to SCP-492849-J's last known location.
You are the best Human Man/Woman to ever exist. XD

Keywords: "Doctor Who", "Traveling it's Tongue", "Breathing SCP-492849"

Re: SCP-[even number]-J Results

#39
Spoiler
Item #: SCP-3-J

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3-J is to be kept in a Cake-lined containment chamber located in Site-19, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 2 Doctors armed with Cookies.

In the event that SCP-3-J ever begins Flying its foot, Dr. Gears is to run SCP-3-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Alpha-7 (''The Amazing World of Gumball'') is to be dispatched to SCP-3-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-3-J is a Idiotic Cat. Like most members of its species, it is able to old computer, and regularly eats twice its own weight in Cake each day.

SCP-3-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with fools, which causes it to turn into concrete. Whenever this happens, all plants within a 24 kilometer radius will begin to swim uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Super Mario. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-3-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-3-J was first located in Idiocreum where the Brooklyn Bears were using it in order to Take over the world. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Alpha-7 (''The Amazing World of Gumball'') was able to recover the object with only 987,000,000,000 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 3-1

Dr. Kruger: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Kruger, and I am about to test SCP-3's reaction to Pizza. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Burrows?
Dr. Burrows: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Kruger: Excellent! I am now introducing the Pizza to 3... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Burrows: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Kruger: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN Head! IT'S GOT MEIN Head! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 3-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█
No

Re: SCP-[even number]-J Results

#40
KirbyMario12345 wrote:
Spoiler
Item #: SCP-3-J

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3-J is to be kept in a Cake-lined containment chamber located in Site-19, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 2 Doctors armed with Cookies.

In the event that SCP-3-J ever begins Flying its foot, Dr. Gears is to run SCP-3-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Alpha-7 (''The Amazing World of Gumball'') is to be dispatched to SCP-3-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-3-J is a Idiotic Cat. Like most members of its species, it is able to old computer, and regularly eats twice its own weight in Cake each day.

SCP-3-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with fools, which causes it to turn into concrete. Whenever this happens, all plants within a 24 kilometer radius will begin to swim uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Super Mario. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-3-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-3-J was first located in Idiocreum where the Brooklyn Bears were using it in order to Take over the world. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Alpha-7 (''The Amazing World of Gumball'') was able to recover the object with only 987,000,000,000 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 3-1

Dr. Kruger: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Kruger, and I am about to test SCP-3's reaction to Pizza. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Burrows?
Dr. Burrows: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Kruger: Excellent! I am now introducing the Pizza to 3... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Burrows: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Kruger: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN Head! IT'S GOT MEIN Head! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 3-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█
Another bump.....uuuhhhh
Don't worry about your son, he will be sent to the deep dark depths in no time.