Output: A duplicate SCP-096 Body. When observed, SCP-096 entered a rage state. Casualties were ███.

Intake: 1 Flamethrower, 1 machine gun, 1 rocket launcher, and a pistol on very fine.
"If this becomes a strong weapon, keep it handy in case of a containment breach or if one of these tests goes wrong." - Dr. Being
EDIT: ninja'd.

Fixed a little typo on the thread title.

Output: 9Gag

Input: 4chan

Setting: Rough

Output: Dust, when later examined found to be extremely small pictures of equine pornography.

Input: One(1) Copy of the history of strange fetishes.
Dr. Anona: Don't ask where and when i got this.
Setting: Fine

Output: A box containing physical objects pertaining to said fetishes.

Input: Box mentioned above, Very Fine

Output: [REDACTED]
All researchers within 1 mile given psychological treatment.
Dr. Anona: Oh god, it's seeping through the walls the semen it's flying around the room filled with feces make it no stop getitaway fr Om me p LEase nO\

Input: Sample of said semen.
Setting: Very Fine
Alternate Universe Dr. Anona: Because we're all suicidal, apparently. Oh, hm? Who am I? I'm an alternate timeline version of anona here, and due to his psychotic ramblings, I believe i will have to take his place. But in all seriousness, the answers to my questions are "Chocolate", "173", And "096isScary". Request change immediately due to me saying this out loud.

Output: Milk, said to taste like 's [REDACTED].

Input: A tape recorder with a tape that says "You want happy endings? Fuck you"
Setting: 1:1

Output: A tape recorder with a tape that says You want happy endings?Here you are
All personnel who listened to the tape later committed suicide. All of then wrote suicide notes about who they are happy now and just want to end their life that way.

Input: Al Capone on Very Fine

Output-a note with "happiness" written on it

Input-a pile of crack and porn mags-setting-very fine