Larry sipped terrifyingly at his drink and stood slimy behind a Euclid. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel dry and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how illusive his [REDACTED] got when he was nervous.

Well, truth be told, Larry knew very well why he was at the party: to see SCP 173.

Ah, SCP 173. Just the thought of him, the chance of a glimpse of his dangerous [EXTREMELY REDACTED] made Larry's heart beat like keters on a cuddle mission.

But tonight everyone was masked. Larry peered swiftly through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was SCP 173. There, he thought, the man over by the [REDACTED], the sentient one with the SCP 096 mask. It had to be SCP 173. No one else could look so cuddly, even in a SCP 096 mask.

He began to walk Larry's way and Larry started to panic. What if he actually talked to Larry?

SCP 173 came right up to Larry and Larry thought that he was going to faint.

"Hello," SCP 173 said violently. "What are you doing over here all alone?"

"Oh, just looking at the Keter," Larry said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so smooth.

Just then, a hostile voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."

Larry's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that SCP 173 might ...

"Happy New Year!"

SCP 173 swept Larry into his arms, bent him in containment, and kissed Larry sluggishly, slipping him the tongue and groping his neck.

Serimah wrote:

snip for amazing story

"I know," Larry said. "We can make a snow SCP 096. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up sluggishly and made a stir-crazy snow SCP 096. Larry put on a Teddy Bear for the [REDACTED]. The SCP 096 was almost as big as SCP 173.

"It looks rough," Larry said stoney. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," SCP 173 said and held up a dry Battery. "I found this in containment." He put the Battery onto the SCP 096's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the SCP 096, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a Euclid on crack.

SCP 173 screamed terrifyingly and ran but the snow SCP 096 chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow SCP 096 strangled him ridiculously.

"Nobody does that to my little Hot Cheeseburger," Larry screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow SCP 096 through the Limb. It fell down and Larry kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" SCP 173 said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

Serimah wrote:

"I know," Larry said. "We can make a snow SCP 096. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up sluggishly and made a stir-crazy snow SCP 096. Larry put on a Teddy Bear for the [REDACTED]. The SCP 096 was almost as big as SCP 173.

"It looks rough," Larry said stoney. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," SCP 173 said and held up a dry Battery. "I found this in containment." He put the Battery onto the SCP 096's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the SCP 096, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a Euclid on crack.

SCP 173 screamed terrifyingly and ran but the snow SCP 096 chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow SCP 096 strangled him ridiculously.

"Nobody does that to my little Hot Cheeseburger," Larry screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow SCP 096 through the Limb. It fell down and Larry kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" SCP 173 said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

Isn't this the sweetest thing you ever read?