This is that one thread where all the terrible groan inducing puns are made! You gotta make they are horrible, but make sure they are very punny! You guys also make sure that you have lot's of pun! Why am I using all of these Exclamation points?!?!The world may never know! I'll start off!

I've been reading a book about anti-gravity and it's impossible to put down!

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

And finally: Have you heard of that man that was hit with a can of soda? He was lucky that it was just a soft drink!

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

Steelpoint has strong points in his posts.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

A backwards poet writes inverse.

Two can play it that game!

What do you call the Sister who lives upstairs? Nun of the Above!

May you all have an egg-celent April Fools day!

A man noted for telling puns was locked into a dark closet, and told he would not be released until he made up a pun about the situation. He immediately shouted, "Oh, pun the door!"

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

To avoid that run-down feeling, look both ways when crossing the street.

Two fish are in a tank. One fish says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'.

I try wearing tight jeans, but I can never pull it off.

If a soldier gets hit by mustard gas and pepper spray, is he a seasoned veteran?

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

One day, a donut was on a cruise ship in international waters. He checked out the engine room, and was interested in the ship.
"Can I steer the ship?" he asked the Captain. Upon refusal, he went back to his cabin. But he was really bummed, and asked again.
"No, and if you ask again, I'll throw you overboard." But he was REALLY REALLY wanting to pilot the ship, so he asks the Captain
again, and gets thrown overboard.

Fine, that joke was kinda bad. Lemme tell another one....

Two people are dating, and both like fishing. The man proposes to the woman by lowering the ring to her face on a hook, but
before she sees, a fish grabs it, and he loses the bite. Seeing him bummed, the woman accepts his invitation to a local
restaurant, where they both order fresh fish. Waiting for the food, the man tells the woman about what he did, and they
get proposed, then their food arrives. The woman cuts open here fish, and she was surprised to see something inside...
The donut.

Mother: Doctor, Doctor! My son thinks he's a smoke detecter!

Doctor: There's no need to cause an alarm.

Next day...

Mother: Doctor, Doctor! My daughter thinks she's a refrigerator.

Doctor: Don't worry, I'm sure she'll chill out.

There were three guys on a plane. One bit into an apple, thought it was too sweet. He threw it out the window. The second guy bit into a lemon, thought it was too sour, threw it out the window. The third guy bit into a grenade, thought it was too crunchy and threw it out the window.
When the plane landed, they got off and saw a little girl crying. they ask, "little girl, why are you crying?" She says, " An apple fell out of the sky and hit my cow on the head and now he's dead." Then the men see a little boy crying. The men ask, "little boy, why are you crying?" The little boy says," A lemon fell out of the sky and hit my dog on the head and now she's dead" The men keep walking until they find a blond woman laughing hysterically. They ask," woman, why are you laughing so hysterically?" She says,"I just farted and that building blew up".

Some people say I won't ever get better at guitar. Don't worry, I won't fret about it.

Mr White married Miss Black.
There was a small contrast in their relationship.

This picture is my pun for today.