This story on LTF-106 (
Rainbow Dash) is somewhat OK, save for one puzzling matter, which I'll come to in a sec. First, some re-wording.
Pony wrote:Foundation personnel eventually found an area in the Everfree where the trees had fallen due to corrosion from a rainbow colored mucus.
Might look better as...
Pony wrote:Foundation personnel eventually found an area in the Everfree where the trees had mostly fallen. A mucus-like substance found on their barks was presumed to be the cause. It was also rainbow-coloured, which suggested Rainbow Dash was connected to this.
While...
Pony wrote:The next day, his body was found covered in corrosion.
For better fluidity, I suggest...
Pony wrote:The next day, his body was found in the Everfree. It was mostly corroded by the same rainbow-coloured mucus found on the trees in that area.
I would also re-write the next part to something like this...
Pony wrote:Weeks later, after several attempts at containing Rainbow Dash, Dr. Jack Bright had produced a theory on Rainbow's abilities. After seeing her pass through trees and spread the mucus onto them in one attempt, he theorized that Rainbow possessed the ability to pass through solid matter. He also theorized that when she disappears with people, she takes them to what was called a "Pocket Dimension" where she would then hunt and kill her victims, discarding their body back into Equestria. The corroded body from the first incident further supported his theory that she would kill them in her Pocket Dimension, before getting rid of their remains.
And finally, the nitpick...
Pony wrote:Dr. Bright also gave an idea on how to contain her. This was to provide a "lure subject", break his/her stifle (horse's thigh), and lift a containment unit via a mag-lev system once Rainbow had appeared. Field crews were immediately successful at containing her.
What evidence did Dr. Bright gather to make him suspect that causing deliberate pain to a lure subject would get Rainbow Dash's attention? On top of that, how would he also know that she can be stopped by a magnetic field of all things?